Having children is viewed as the logical next step after getting married, and if a couple doesn’t have children, they are often met with very personal speculations about whether or not they are infertile. However, the truth is, it has become increasingly common for couples to remain childless by choice because while having children is a blessing, it’s also a burden and a responsibility that requires lengthy contemplation. It shouldn’t be a decision that’s made immediately after marriage, and there are some situations where it’s best to hold off having children or not have children at all.
1. You think of children as your retirement plan.
When people find out that a couple chose to not have children, the first thing they often ask is “who is going to take care of you when you’re old?” but do not let this affect your decision because children are not supposed to be your retirement plan. You brought them into this world, so it’s your duty to provide them with basic human rights such as food, shelter and education. They take care of their parents out of filial piety and gratitude, but they’re technically not required to do so. That’s why you shouldn’t have children solely for the sake of having a guaranteed caretaker in the future, especially if you feel like you’re incapable of being good parents to them.
2. You don’t have a good relationship with your spouse.
Marriage will reveal the true colors of your spouse, and if you find yourselves having serious issues, a baby won’t magically fix all your problems. It might be a band-aid solution, but sometimes, it might also cause the relationship to deteriorate further. So fix your issues first, learn how to communicate properly and resolve arguments civilly. If it doesn’t work out, perhaps it’s best to go your separate ways rather than subjecting your future children to the trauma of seeing their parents fight over every little thing.
3. You are financially unstable
With the economy becoming more and more unstable and inflation rates constantly skyrocketing, even the simple act of existing is expensive, let alone raising another human being. According to Moneymax, raising a child in the Philippines requires around P10,000 a month or P120,000 a year, and that’s only the bare minimum. If you don’t have savings or a stable job, then it’s best to wait until you do before having a child. It’s also wrong to think that the more children you have, the more likely you’ll get rich because it means you’ll have more providers in the future. Children are more than just piggy banks to crack open. And how can you ensure that your child will find a good job if you are unable to provide them with good education? You might just end up repeating the cycle of poverty the more children you have.
4. You are unwilling to give up your career to be a parent.
No matter how much we preach about work-life balance, the reality is that one parent would have to give up their careers either temporarily or permanently to take care of their kids. It’s often the women who are expected to do so, and it’s about time to change that norm. However, if neither you or your partner is willing to let go of your career yet, then it’s probably best to wait until you are satisfied with your career trajectory or choose to not have children at all. Otherwise, it might lead to dissatisfaction and hinder your ability to be a good parent.
5. You don’t even like children
If you’re the type of person who gets easily annoyed by children screaming at the mall or if you would rather stay on the other end of the room than interact with your little nieces and nephews, then chances are, you would feel the same way about your own kid. Of course, this isn’t to dismiss the fact that you’re capable of change, but if you’re averse to children, perhaps you should think long and hard about whether you really want them or if you’re just following social norms.
At the end of the day, having children is a choice and not a prerequisite to a “complete marriage.” Most couples would want children, and that’s completely fine, but we as a society should learn how to be more accepting towards couples who are childless by choice because not everyone wants to or is capable of raising a child.
