Exploring the Reasons Behind Chinoys Staying Single Today
For many of us, there’s one question that seems to follow us through every family gathering, casual conversation, or social media scroll: “Why are you still single?” It’s a question loaded with assumptions—that being in a relationship is the default, that love and marriage is a milestone you’re supposed to achieve in this lifetime, or how incomplete one’s life is if they remain single. From childhood, many grow up hearing about the importance of finding the “right” person, fulfilling family duties, and upholding tradition.
And the reality? The reasons are never that simple either. The reasons behind singlehood are deeply personal and shaped by a mix of tradition, individual goals, and the changing world we live in. For Chinoys especially, cultural expectations often add another layer of complexity to relationships—or the lack thereof.
To dig deeper, we asked: why do some Chinoys choose to stay single today? The answers paint a picture of a generation redefining what love, life, and happiness mean to them—on their own terms.
1. “Puro Ka Passion!”
Nowadays, Chinoys are finding new ways to enjoy themselves through the things they love to do, whether it’s a passion project or even something work-related. A CHIN-etizen commented that it’s way easier to pour one’s time and energy into something they love rather than step out of their comfort zones to meet someone new. Passion feels safe in a way relationships often don’t. When you focus on something you love—your career, a hobby, or personal growth—you’re in control.
The effort you put in directly shapes the outcome, and there’s no fear of rejection or uncertainty because you’re doing it at your own pace without putting other people’s feelings first. Dating, on the other hand, is full of unknowns. It asks you to be vulnerable, to take risks, and to navigate emotional highs and lows. For many, it’s easier—and sometimes healthier—to stay in their comfort zone, building a life they love on their own terms. It’s not about giving up on love; it’s about choosing what feels right, right now.
2. Marriage Isn’t What It Used to Be
There was a time when getting married was just something your parents or your relatives expected you to do. How finding the right partner to build a stable foundation for the future is the only key to becoming successful and happy in life. For the older generations, marriage was about performing your duty, a guarantee of survival, and continuation of the family legacy. It made sense in a time when life was more about collective survival than individual fulfillment.
But for some, that weight carried over into the next generation as pressure or even trauma. Growing up in families where love was tied to sacrifice and duty, some Chinoys have seen relationships modeled in ways that felt heavy—where compromises were made for stability rather than joy, and where individual dreams often took a backseat. For many in older generations, love wasn’t always a choice; arranged marriages and kai shao (matchmaking) were common, leaving little room for personal preference or connection. This has somehow shaped how younger Chinoys view relationships today, often rejecting the idea of forced pairings in favor of finding a love that feels meaningful and self-directed.
Today, singlehood is no longer just a waiting period for marriage. For many, it’s a choice—a chance to breathe, explore, and prioritize themselves. It’s an opportunity to travel, learn, and grow emotionally and spiritually without the expectations that come with marriage. Being single and free feels like a form of healing—a way to redefine what love and partnership should look like, breaking cycles of pressure, and just being able to romanticize your own life and treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated.
3. “Hindi Pa Ako Ready Eh”
Relationships can be overwhelming—emotionally, financially, and mentally. It’s no wonder some Chinoys are holding back. It’s not that they’re afraid of love; they just want to feel ready for it. Sure, people say, “Do it even if you’re afraid,” but for many Chinoys, it’s about being smart with whatever it is that they have at their disposal. Growing up in a culture where every decision feels significant and must count, it’s hard to rush into something uncertain. The idea of investing time, energy, or resources into a relationship that might not work out feels like a risk that may or may not age well for some.
There’s also the emotional weight. Love can be exciting, but it’s also intimidating for a lot of people. Past heartbreaks leave scars, and the fear of picking the wrong person often has people questioning whether being in a relationship is even the right thing for them. Many Chinoys today would rather take the time to heal, grow, and get their own life in order before sharing it with someone else.
On top of that, life for most people can get busy. Between work, family obligations, and personal goals, adding a relationship to the mix can feel like too much. I mean, who has the time to go on a date during the weekends when you’re working an 8-5 shift during the weekdays and barely have time for yourself?
The bottom line is, it’s not about avoiding love; it’s about making sure that when someone does open their heart to another person, they’re ready to give their best self. They want to be truly ready for a committed relationship—not just settling for it when the timing doesn’t feel right.
4. The Standards Are High—And That’s Okay
Everyone wants to find someone who truly “gets” them—the kind of person who understands their quirks, shares their values, and makes them feel at home when everything else feels unmotivating. But sometimes, the standards we set for a partner can feel almost impossible to meet. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of perfection, especially when you have high expectations. However, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. For many Chinoys, it’s not about being overly picky or unrealistic; it’s about knowing what they deserve and refusing to settle for anything less. They’ve seen firsthand how important it is to have a relationship that aligns with their values, goals, and dreams because what’s the point if two people who are supposed to be in a loving, committed relationship don’t see eye to eye, right?
If that means waiting longer to find someone who truly fits, so be it. They’d rather wait for the right person than rush into something that doesn’t feel right. After all, why settle for a relationship that’s just “okay” when they know they deserve something deeper, more meaningful? It’s about finding a connection that resonates on all levels—not just checking off boxes. Sometimes, that takes time, and that’s perfectly fine. In the end, it’s better to wait for the right love than to settle for the wrong one.
5. “In This Economy?!”
Of course, we can’t just ignore the elephant in the room— financial stability. Trying to make it in today’s economy feels like walking a financial tightrope. With rising costs everywhere, from groceries to rent, it’s no wonder some Chinoys hesitate to dive into relationships, let alone consider marriage. Financial stability is often at the top of the list when it comes to deciding whether or not to commit seriously. It’s not just about finding someone to love—it’s about being able to build a future together, which often means making enough to pay for both Netflix subscription and the new house renovations.
When you think about any kind of wedding, the expenses can be overwhelming. But Chinoys will always have one more thing to consider before actually getting married: The Tinghun. A tinghun (訂婚) is like the official “we’re getting married” moment in Chinese culture. It’s when both families come together, exchange gifts or money, and give their blessing to the happy couple. It’s the formal step before the wedding, showing everyone that the couple is committed and ready to take the next big leap.
So, it’s never just a wedding ceremony; it’s an event with many layers of tradition, all of which come with a hefty price tag. From engagement rings to pre-wedding ceremonies to the grand reception with all the bells and whistles, weddings can easily run into tens of thousands, if not more. And even after the wedding, there’s the cost of building a life—buying a house, starting a family, and juggling all the other responsibilities that come with marriage.
In a time when every peso feels stretched, it’s no surprise some Chinoys choose to wait until they feel financially stable before taking that next step. The reality is that committing to a relationship, especially one as big as marriage, comes with a heavy financial responsibility.
I Choose Me
At the end of the day, choosing to stay single isn’t a sign of something being wrong. It’s about taking the time to figure out who they really are, what they want, and how they can become the people they’ve always wanted to be without forcing labels on themselves. Whether it’s focusing on passions, getting financially stable, or just waiting for the right timing, the choice to be single is often a reflection of self-respect and patience, just like how choosing to be in a loving relationship at this day and age isn’t really something wrong either.
For Chinoys who are taking their time, it’s important for them to make sure that when the time comes to share their life with someone else, they’re truly ready, not just for love, but for the responsibility that comes with it. So, when someone asks, “Why are you still single?” maybe the answer is simply: “Because I’m choosing me right now, and that’s okay.”
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