Embracing My Chinoy Identity: A Journey of Self-Discovery
Growing up, I didn’t value my Chinoy heritage. Like many Chinese-Filipinos who lived far from our community, I knew I was 75% Chinese and 25% Filipino—but that was it. Questions about my identity often left me feeling incomplete like there’s a missing piece within me.
“Why can’t I speak Chinese?” I would wonder.
My story begins in North Caloocan City, where I, Ana Patricia Cua, a Lannang who can’t speak Chinese, often face curious inquiries. As a child, friends would ask, “May lahi ka ba?” To which I would reply, “Yes, I’m half Chinese, half Filipino.” This would lead to the inevitable follow-up: “Oh really? Who is the Chinese in your family?”
“Ah, my father is pure Chinese while my mother is half Chinese, half Filipino,” I would explain.
Filipino friends would then ask, “Nakapunta ka na sa China? May bahay kayo sa China?” [Have you ever been to China? Do you have a house in China?] My intrusive thoughts would then say, “Is it a requirement that I must have gone there? Are we required to have a house in China?” But I kept my thoughts to myself, replying instead, “We haven’t. We live here in the Philippines,” followed by, “So you can speak Chinese?”
“No, I cannot,” I would say, met by a chorus of “WHY?”
While my Filipino friends would accept my answer, Chinoys would give me pitying looks, “Ay bakit? Sayang naman!” [Oh, why? That’s unfortunate of you!] I didn’t feel offended; I questioned myself too, “Bakit nga ba hindi ako marunong?” [Why can’t I?]
I come from the lineage of Go-Cua and Tan-Absalon, tracing my roots back to traditional Chinese-Filipino clans. My father, hailing from Pandacan, Manila, maintained many Chinese practices. Growing up, I often heard him speaking Hokkien and saw him living a conservative Chinoy life. My mother, from San Miguel, Manila, had a mix of Chinese and Filipino values and, like me, spoke mostly Filipino, with a very small unforeseen amount of Fookien. She used to tell me as well how my Amaa, who is a hundred percent Chinese, had overcome the great wall by marrying my Pinoy grandfather.
Given my rich ancestry, I was left wondering: why couldn’t I speak the language?
Our home language was Filipino. With my father as the only Hokkien speaker, the primary language I heard and used was Filipino. This aligns with key principles of language learning: comprehension through exposure, output through practice, and feedback for improvement. Unfortunately, I missed all these basics for learning Chinese.
Another reason was that my father didn’t teach us. This doesn’t mean I am having resentment against my dad; I simply wished for the chance to learn. Most Chinoys I’ve spoken with have asked why my father never taught us, and I often think of what language instructor Thunderson Tan said: “The most important thing in choosing a teacher is that they should have experience and training in teaching Mandarin as a foreign language.” Just because my father speaks Hokkien fluently, this doesn’t mean that he can teach it effectively. He adjusted his language to connect with us and our community, using Tagalog in daily life.
Living closely with my Filipino relatives and friends engaged me further into our culture. I played outdoor games with my cousins, celebrated holidays in true Filipino fashion, attended Filipino schools, and adapted our Filipino values. These experiences even nurtured my “Pusong Pinoy” and this heart I believe, developed that broadcaster within me. As I walk on my career path, I began producing innovative programs and more than that, documentaries, where I feature inspiring stories of the Filipino people which I just dreamed of before.
In this way, I became able to embrace my dedication to serve our fellow countrymen and I know, deep in my heart, that I love what I’m doing. I go straight to their communities, talk to them, discuss issues, and eventually learn from what’s more behind their stories. At these moments, it was the Filipino in me which contributed a lot to the kind of person I become today—making me forget about what my Chinese blood has for me.
Despite feeling distant from the Chinoy culture during my childhood, my perspective shifted when I began working in Binondo, Manila. Here, I encountered eye-opening stories of Chinese-Filipino icons and witnessed firsthand the values that shaped their lives.
Understanding My Heritage

Photo Courtesy of Ana Cua
Now I understand why my father was so hardworking like many Chinese-Filipino businessmen. My mother’s love for cooking, preserving our unique flavors, also makes sense. I cherish our family’s appreciation for simple, yet rich flavors in food.
In our household, every small effort mattered—shoes left outside the door, plastics kept in a drawer, remote controls covered in plastic, an abandoned piano, and the strong emphasis on saving money. Yes, simple things but I guess, they say a lot about that Chinoy within me.
Through these experiences, I realized how unconscious I am as my Chinoy heritage molded me. While I may have missed the chance to learn the language, I noticed that my heart holds the essence of my identity through these principles that run in our community—忠 (zhong) for loyalty, 孝 (xiao) for filial piety, 仁 (ren) for kindness, 爱 (ai) for love, 礼 (li) for consideration, 义 (yi) for righteousness, 廉 (lian) for integrity, 俭 (jian) for thriftiness, and 毅 (yi) for perseverance.
With my Chinese and Filipino heritage intertwined, I have become the best version of myself, embracing the opportunities my community offers. Big thanks to all the Chinoys that I have met and worked on; I am grateful for how these people showered their help and kindness for my growth.
A Commitment to Learning
Now in my more than two decades of existence and deeper immersion to our Chinese-Filipino heritage, I realized, it is not too late for me to learn more about what our identity has to bring. I may not know our Chinese language that much but that does not define my connection to our rich Chinoy culture. This year, I will be enrolling myself in Chinese language classes. Despite seeing this way challenging for me, I am more glad to take this opportunity knowing it will serve me well in the future.
Well, honestly, what influenced me to thrive for this challenge are our modern Chinoy TikTokers, Justin Chua and Thunderson Tan. If you guys are reading this, I am so thankful that you appeared in my TikTok FYP. I claim to be your fan who constantly waits for your updates and live streams. More than the language, it’s the Chinoy humor that brought me closer. I came to notice that it’s their entertaining jokes and skits that made me discover how Chinoy I am for being able to relate in everything.
Afterall, I no longer see myself merely as 75% Chinese and 25% Filipino. At this moment of my life, I truly CHiKnow the depth of my identity, rooted from our diverse and ever unique heritage.